As we all know, tomorrow is Holy Thursday in the Catholic Church. I remember several of you celebrating it with me last year. But did you also know that tomorrow marks Vernal Equinox, the first day of Spring?? How about the start of Purim? Ostara? Fred Rogers’ Birthday? The Great American Meatout? (Nevermind, I’d never encourage vegetarianism) There’s gotta be something in that list that you feel like celebrating, right? What if I told you that you are an Absolutely Incredible Kid, and that tomorrow is all about celebrating you? Could that convince you? Consider this a letter of love and support to you, the kid in my life!

Now that you’re primed and ready for celebration, and you’ve felt the positive impact of my kind words, why don’t you join me tomorrow after work for a cocktail? Change into your sneakers and cardigan sweater and ride the magic trolley to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, otherwise known as Carlyle’s on Jackson Rd. There we’ll have some drinks and some laughs and wait to see if Mr. McFeely has any letters to deliver to us. Or am I the only nerd that used to watch Mr. Rogers when I was a kid?

Hope to see you there.

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here. Just kidding, that’s not really a link. And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. Interestingly enough, I’ve also been referred to as Mr. McFeely, albeit for entirely different reasons.

©2006-2008 MP Enterprises.

Hello, friend.  I hope that you’re well today.  I’m doing better just thinking about you.  Have I ever told you how great you are?  You’re an attentive harbinger of a friend; faithful ‘till the last.  As courageous as a lion, your fortitude is matched only by heroes of legend.  A triumphant dynamo of grace, your every word is a song, your every movement a dance.  You are the personification of insight; through the haze of confusion you can see the correct way every time.  Most would be satisfied with even a fraction of your success, but you are the embodiment of achievement.  Long is the list of your accomplishments, and growing daily.  Despite all of this, you haven’t let it change your outlook.  You are the pillar of joy, and nothing could bring you down from the natural high you’re on.  Others can always depend on you for an encouraging word and sage advice.  Why, with your extraordinary sagacity, no mystery remains enshrouded.  Don’t even get me started on what a superb realization of beauty you are; others are stunned to silence when you enter the room.  You probably don’t even realize all of these things, what with your humility.  In fact, if you look up “humble” in the dictionary, you know what you’ll find?  The definition of the word “humble”, which you totally are.

Why don’t you join me at Carlyle on Jackson Rd. this evening after work?  We’ll have a drink or two (or eleventeen) and I’ll be awed and honored just to be in your presence.  Surely one as magnanimous of spirit as yourself (as if there is another such as you!) could find a few minutes to have a drink with an old friend.

Hope to see you there.

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here.  Just kidding, that’s not really a link.  And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. While I sincerely mean everything I’ve said in this email, I was having a little trouble finding the right words to express myself.  I ended up getting a little help with that.

©2006-2008 MP Enterprises.

As I’m sure all of you know, today is National Cut Your Energy Costs Day.  To that end, I don’t want to waste too much electricity writing a long email, but I did want to let you in on a few tips that can help cut your energy bills and help out our planet at the same time.

·         Keep your gas bill down by lowering your thermostat.  Stay warm at Carlyle’s!

·         Constantly opening and closing your freezer to get ice cubes for your drinks can wreak havoc on your electricity bill.  Have Carlyle’s make your drinks instead!

·         Thinking about using the bathroom tonight?  Do it at Carlyle’s! 

·         Gas prices these days are through the roof.  Siphon gas from one of the many cars parked in the parking lot at Carlyle’s!

That’s pretty much all the advice I can give you, I’m not that big into conservation.  But I will be at Carlyle’s on Jackson Rd. today after work, if you’d like to come by and offer me some energy-saving tips.  Or if you’d like to just have a drink and some laughs.

Hope to see you there.

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here.  Just kidding, that’s not really a link.  And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. When using the bathroom at Carlyle’s, feel free to use a courtesy flush. They’re paying for it!

©2006-2008 MP Enterprises.

I’m a bit busy this week and don’t have the time to spend on handcrafting a well-researched, insightful, humorous email (I suppose that implies that I think every other week usually is…), but I did want you all to know that January 3^rd is a special day. One hundred twenty years ago today, Marvin C. Stone patented the modern drinking straw. Without Mr. Stone’s fine invention, where would we be today? Drinking right out of the glass like suckers. Thanks, Marvin! January 3^rd also marks the 52^nd birthday of one Mel Columcille Gerard Gibson. You may remember him from such celluloid gems as Bird on a Wire or Lethal Weapon 4, but he gets special recognition here for making the angry drunken tirade fashionable again. Thank you, Mel Gibson!

In honor of these fine gentlemen, and to celebrate the fact that it’s a new year (yay 2008!), please join me at Carlyle on Jackson Rd. today after work. We haven’t been there in a few weeks, and I’m sure the bartenders miss us terribly. One has college to pay for and the other is saving up for her wedding. You aren’t against both higher education and love, are you? That seems like the only reason that you wouldn’t show up at the bar tonight.

Hope to see you there.

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here. Just kidding, that’s not really a link. And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. I would also like to thank Mel Gibson for introducing me to the proper form of address for a female peace officer, unfortunately it would be inappropriate for me to reprint it in this space.

©2006-2008 MP Enterprises.

But I’m actually going to have to call in sick to Thursday Drinking this week. Caught a bug over Christmas and I fear that going out tonight will prevent me from ever shaking it. I hope you all had a good Christmas, take this week off and we’ll get back at it after the New Year.

Party on.

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here. Just kidding, that’s not really a link. And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. If you insist on sending me get well soon cards and flowers, call me and I’ll give you my address.

©2006-2007 MP Enterprises.

When you think of Matt P, what’s the first thing you think of?  “Adaptability”, right?  Whether it’s my spontaneously switching roommates every 10 years or so or my fickle tendency to stay with one job for barely my entire adult life, one thing is certain: I love change.  From my love of New Coke to the new Auntie Viv that showed up in Season 4 of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to the woman who claims she is my mother even though we all know I had to have been created in a lab somewhere, no one is more against the status quo than myself.  Which is why, after only 57 or so emails and probably only like 80 straight weeks at Carlyle’s, we’re flipping the script this week.

That’s right, you heard me!  Please join me this Thursday after work at Buffalo Wild Wings in Ann Arbor.  They have all the same delicious alcohol you’ve come to need just to stop the voices in your head love, as well as pool tables, dart boards, like forty-hundred TV’s and buffalo wings.  (Mmm, buffalo wings…)  And best of all, I’ll be there!  So come on by, have some drinks and some laughs and some blazin’ hot wings, and let’s keep the Drinksmas celebration going.  There’s plenty of time for you to dry out in 2008.  If you can’t make it out and I don’t see you before, I’d like to take this opportunity to wish you and yours the happiest of holidays!

Hope to see you there. 

Just to avoid confusion, my team at work has our holiday outing at BW’s in the afternoon, so I’ll already be there when you get off of work.  This is probably a one-time thing, be sure to make it out to enjoy a change of scenery.  And some small chicken pieces.

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here.  Just kidding, that’s not really a link.  And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. Tommy like-y.  Tommy want wing-y.

©2006-2007 MP Enterprises.

And by “Goose”, I’m obviously referring to myself.  Though I would prefer to be referred to as “Iceman”.  I’d even take “Maverick”, if you must.  Goose died in the movie (SPOILER ALERT!  Oops…).  Anyhow, as I’m sure you all remember, the time leading up to Christmas is known as the Twelve Days of Drinksmas.  It’s a time of joy and laughter, friends and family, cocktails and crudités.  Put simply: it’s the most wonderful time of the year.  Never mind what Andy Williams would have you believe.  It’s also getting toward the end of the week, we got a light dusting of snow this morning, and I can think of no better idea than staying indoors at a warm bar and having some refreshments with arguably* the most entertaining people this side of the WGA strike.

To that end, I’d like to invite all of you – my friends and family – to join me at Carlyle’s on Jackson Rd. after work today.  As always, we’ll be sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings, giving each other advices and helping each other become better people in general.  And/or drinking and being foolish.  I know what you’re probably thinking, “But Matt, I have to get some shopping done!”  What gift could be better than a gift certificate to Carlyle’s, which can be conveniently purchased right at the bar?  Instruct the recipient to show up on a Thursday evening, and it’s the gift that keeps on giving!  Think about it!  I know that’s exactly what I would have asked Santa for if I weren’t so averse to sitting on old men’s laps.

Hope to see you there. 

*If you know me, you know I’ll argue it.  No matter what it is.  Sorry!

P.S. -  Once again, I would be remiss in my duties if I neglected to mention that today is the 31^st birthday of one Nathan Andrew Mitchell.  As Nate is currently on a spiritual journey to New York City in an effort to get back in touch with himself, he’s unable to join us in celebrating his birthday.  Rest assured we’ll still be celebrating it.  Come on out and raise a glass in his honor.  Happy Birthday, Nate!

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here.  Just kidding, that’s not really a link.  And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. I know that you probably prefer Amy Grant’s “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” to Andy Williams’ (who doesn’t?), but Williams gets props for being the first artist to record the song.

©2006-2007 MP Enterprises.

As I’m sure you all know, today is the second day of Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights.  Most of my knowledge of this holy celebration comes from an Adam Sandler song, but Wikipedia mentions how it was “celebrated joyously” for 8 days, and that’s something I can totally get down with.  A holiday that is celebrated for several days in a row (like I do my birthday) and includes a game like the dreidel game (which is similar to the dice game my family plays on the holidays; the dreidel game must have been its inspiration) sounds like it is right up my alley.  I try to celebrate around 209 days a year for various reasons anyway; adding Hanukkah to my repertoire (and subtracting the overlap) should kick that up to at least 215 days this year.  Not too shabby!

So come on out to Carlyle on Jackson Rd. tonight after work and help me celebrate my new favorite holiday.  It’s cold outside, what better way to stay warm than in a comfortable bar with a nice glass of… hmm, what’s the traditional Hanukkah drink?  I’m pretty sure it’s not a nog of any sort, egg or otherwise.  Little help?  Whatever it is, come on out, help me expand my horizons by celebrating the holidays of another culture, and have a drink and some laughs with me.

Hope to see you there. 

P.S. -  I would be remiss in my duties if I neglected to mention that today is the 30^th birthday of one Dr. Rafal Anastas Farjo, PhD.  As the good doctor is currently residing in Oklahoma, he’s unable to join us in celebrating his birthday, rest assured we’ll still be celebrating it.  Come on out and raise a glass in his honor.  Happy Birthday, Raf!

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here.  Just kidding, that’s not really a link.  And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. Please note that this message was all in fun, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for all of the holidays of this season. Except for Festivus, I’m beginning to think that the writers of Seinfeld just made that one up. I’ll have to do more research

©2006-2007 MP Enterprises.

Being followers of Last Thursdayism, the tenets of the omphalos hypothesis tell us that all of the world, including our memories and history books, were created Last Thursday by Queen Maeve the Housecat.  As we all know, she will destroy the world Next Thursday, saving those who were nice to cats and damning evildoers to the never-cleaned Eternal Litter Box.  To that end, please join me at Carlyle’s after work to celebrate the one-week anniversary of the birth of our Universe (and to lament its impending destruction. Though I’ve always said we should live in the present).  Come on up, have some drinks and some laughs (or tears, if you’re looking ahead) and celebrate this Holy Day.

Hope to see you there. 

Please note that I made none of this up, it all started innocently enough on a wikipedia search for “Thursday”.  I’m not actually insane, you can read more about it here. You learn something new every day.

We respect your privacy. You’re receiving this message because at some point you’ve had a drink with or near Matt Pollak. If you would rather not receive E-mail alerting you of Matt Pollak’s special offers, product announcements, and other news, just let us know by clicking here.  Just kidding, that’s not really a link.  And yeah, I always use this disclaimer but I find it humorous so here it is. Astute readers will remember that I’ve used this email before.  What you might not know is that today is America Recycles Day, and I’m just trying to do my part to help out our environment.  Plus, recycling old material makes my life quite a bit easier.  Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. And Go Blue.

©2006-2007 MP Enterprises.